Caregiving can be equally rewarding and overwhelming.

“There is a spectrum of sentiment when it comes to caregiving,” said Shelby Greene, LCSW, MSW, coordinator of clinical social services. “On one end are folks who are overwhelmed, stressed and uncertain of their new role. On the other are people who feel it is a great honor to care for another and are resilient. Both are OK and neither deserves judgment.”

More than 41 million caregivers are estimated to be caring for a loved one age 50 and older in the United States in 2020, an increase from a 2016 study performed by the AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving. This can range from helping with daily activities such as bathing and dressing to managing medications, providing rides to medical appointments and managing the home.

“We typically see caregivers when they are already in the thick of caregiving. These are four ideas we discuss with those care partners,” said Leslie Baker, Pharm.D., BCGP, director of geriatric pharmacy services. “First is communication, followed by discussing what is realistic, adjusting your role and, lastly, acceptance."

Communication

It is vital to determine what is important to an older loved one before they require caregiving. Communication should also continue throughout the relationship to set expectations and goals.

“Sometimes the wish of the one being cared for becomes the wish of the caregiver and that is not always realistic,” said Greene. “If the loved one is against bringing outside help into the home and the caregiver cannot feasibly provide the necessary help without support, that decision may need to change.”

A caregiver should practice communication with other family and friends as well to set up a support system and delegate tasks where necessary. Therapy can be a viable option if you need to explore strong feelings of guilt, shame and resentment.

“It is also helpful to assure your loved one that if you delegate tasks or take on help, it is not a reflection of your love for them,” said Greene.

Realistic expectations

“Our current societal structure is not set up to care for older adults who require more assistance,” said Baker. “That system is the reality we are in and although we strive to help the system change where we can, conversations about what is realistic can help the relationship between caregiver and older adult. Many I have spoken with believe Medicare will provide everything they need when they are older and that is simply not the case. There can be a substantial financial obligation.”

The conversation should focus on the facts: the situation, the care needed and what care the caregiver can provide.

Roles

If you are an adult child, your role can change when you become a caregiver, or you will add an additional role. If you are a spouse, the role of caregiver can be added to your role as spouse.

“Boundaries can help navigate changing roles,” said Greene. “Find what you, as a caregiver, are capable of doing, and those responsibilities you will not take on. This is an ongoing conversation to have with yourself to determine your roles.”

Roles evolve, and each moment together can alternate between roles.

Acceptance

A caregiver does not have authority over an independent older adult.

“This can be a tough realization,” said Greene. “You can be there, you can listen, but if your older loved one decides on a course of action for their health and they are of sound mind, that is their decision.” Determining what is in your control and what is not can help protect your emotional well-being.

This acceptance can happen from the loved one as well. If they want to maintain their independence but also need help, suggesting ways they can delegate housekeeping, meal preparation and transportation within their means can help them stay in their home and maintain their wish of living independently.

Caregiving can take a community, and there are resources available:

• Alzheimer’s Association support groups: If you are caring for a loved one experiencing Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, a support group can provide resources and emotional support.
• Nevada Caregivers: An online resource, this website provides helpful documents, links to local services as well as tips.
• Powerful Tools for Caregivers workshop: Provided by Sanford Center for Aging, this free workshop helps you walk through the emotions and burnout associated with caregiving. This workshop meets a few times a year, with the next one starting Monday, May 11.
• Sanford Assessment: A free, community-based health and wellness assessment for people ages 60 and older, providing a comprehensive review with recommendations. Offered by the Sanford Center for Aging, the assessment can help you as a caregiver identify issues and build plans.