A writer's portrait of a friend who "crept out of her closet." "Regan" she notes, "has looked into the lying eyes of plenty of female friends who say 'I'm perfectly ok with the lesbian thing. I mean, why should it matter?' Then they stop being so close. Regan understands, but I don't."

REGAN AND ME

Regan is an 18-year-old college student. She has arms, legs, a brain, and a heart. If you hit her it hurts, and if you tickle her she laughs. When she is cut, she bleeds, and when she is angry, she screams. When she was born she cried. She has been potty trained, learned to walk and talk, and was taught about God and rules. She grew up in a loving family. Her mom does crafts and was on the PTA. Her dad has a respectable job and makes enough money to be considered a good provider. Regan is small, blonde, and witty. She has little brown eyes, a pug nose, and tiny lips. Regan=s hands are small, and her biceps are huge. In a boxing match, she=d kill you with her right hook, and she=s too quick to get jabbed back.

Regan can speak Italian, draw a perfect likeness of your face, and belch louder than anyone I know. She can be found at the movie theaters at least once a week. When asked why she wears all black, Regan answers facetiously, AIt=s so all my clothes will match.@ She drives a stick-shift, with 80's music blasting, and sings along flat. She loves ice cream after every meal, chocolate on top of anything, and vegetables on her pizza. She orders a triple latte almost every day. This girl can massage like a professional and doesn=t mind practicing on anyone.

Regan has goals, dreams, and expectations. She has emotions, weaknesses, and strengths. She has morals, and philosophies and beliefs. She has little hands and a big heart. She is my best friend. Regan is hilariously witty, a thoughtful friend, and undoubtedly gay.

When Regan crept out of her closet, her closet friend at the time was, naturally, the AI think I=m gay@ speech recipient. Her friend listened to Regan=s words and replied, ASo, have you had feelings for me this whole time?@

Regan answered, AGirl, I met you when I was five. Of course not.@

Another friend was more blunt, AGross, Regan. You=ve seen me naked. We=ve slept in the same sleeping bag. I drink after you!@ These girls can=t accept that a lesbian doesn=t want to kiss them, or touch them, or fuck them.

Regan understands when yet another friend asks her to close her eyes, or eases away from her on the couch, or gets tense when Regan touches her arm during excited conversation. Regan understands when a woman will read this essay and say, AOf course her friends feel uncomfortable. She=s gay.@ When the guy I=m dating will ask if I let Regan sleep in my bed with me, Regan understands. And after his friends will tease him about my little dike friend and me, Regan understands. Regan understands when she is nearly kicked out of PE class in highschool because she is not allowed in the locker rooms to change. Regan has looked into the lying eyes of plenty of female friends who say, AI=m perfectly ok with the lesbian thing. I mean, why should it matter?@ Then they stop being so close. Regan understands, but I don=t.

People will say it=s AOk@ that Regan is gay. They accept her flaw because they feel that she is a good person in every other respect. These people are putting up with the fact that Regan is a lesbian. The truth is that these people are not AOk with the whole lesbian thing.@ The truth is that someone who is truly comfortable with Regan=s homosexuality doesn=t have to accept any flaw. The truth is that there is no flaw. I don=t have to put up with my friend=s lesbian tendencies because it is not wrong to be a homosexual female. That is the ultimate difference between all the friends that are ACool with the gay issue,@ and me. They are trying not to care about something they view as wrong, or unnatural, or weird. I am one of few female friends who can accept Regan=s sexual preference for what it is. Regan is sexually attracted to females. However, this does not include all females and does not include me. I do not assume that every heterosexual male is attracted to me. Therefore, I don=t see the logic in believing that every homosexual female is. The fact that a nice pair is attractive to her, and not to me, puts no strain on our intimacy. To have a friendship with a lesbian is a perfectly normal relationship.

Proof of this is found in my relationship with Regan. Throughout the six years that I have known her, she has not made any sort of sexual advance toward me. My friend has slept in the same bed with me numerous times. She gives me killer massages. She does her makeup in my bathroom while I shower. When I step out to grab my towel, she doesn=t look any more than another girl. When Regan told me she was gay I smile and said, AI know.@

Because homophobia is alive and well in the world today, Regan will have to deal with the arrogant and the ignorant for all of her life. Phobics hide behind the faces of friends, who mask their fears by hushing them. They tell themselves that they can ignore Regan=s fault and focus on her better traits. What they don=t see is that being a lesbian is not a fault. It=s ridiculous that Regan has to deal with ignorance on all sides. I am glad she has people like me in her corner. There is no sexual tension. There is love with no ignorance. There is truth with no fear. There is Regan and me.